Sunshine Challenge #1
Jul. 1st, 2023 10:00 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
majorr
Some thoughts on Joel based on the Sunshine Challenge prompt: a bouquet of blue iris blossoms speak of hope and faith, paralleled with NF’s Happy. It’s not 1:1, but a lot of the song screams Joel to me.
I don't know why, but I feel more comfortable
Living in my agony
This defines a lot of Joel. Grief consumed him. It’s like feeling sad on a rainy day, how the world matches your mood that day, taken to an extreme. His life became something dark and sad and ugly, and the world filled with infected and morally bankrupt people reflected that. He sunk into his grief and let the rot of the world sink into him.
Yeah, been this way so long
It feels like something's off when I'm not depressed
I got some issues that I won't address
I got some baggage I ain't opened yet
I got some demons I should put to rest
I got some traumas that I can't forget
The king of shutting himself down and off.
Some family members I don't really connect with
Some things I said I wish I would've not let slip
Some hurtful words that never should've left my lips
Some bridges burned, I'm not ready to rebuild yet
He and Tommy still have things to work out. I don’t think that bridge is burned at all. Charred, maybe, in spots, but there’s damage. It could use some repairs before it takes more fire anyway.
I'm too proud to open up and ask ya
To pick me up and pull me out this hole I'm trapped in
The truth is, I need help, but I just can't imagine
Who I'd be if I was happy
I think moving from that place of feeling comfortable in his agony where he’d been stagnant for the past twenty years and allowing himself to open up to Ellie, to care for her and be cared for by her, was close to a miracle after how long he’d been closed off to the idea of happiness. I do ultimately think that Ellie represented hope to him for the first time since Sarah died. Hope that he actually could heal. Hope that he could start a new life. Hope that what he loved most about himself, being a father, didn’t die with Sarah after all.